Check this out!

So unless you've just been under a rock, I can't imagine anyone not have hearing of "The Help." The book is fabulous and the movie, which I saw for the first time yesterday, is awesome! Check it out - and I do mean both movie AND BOOK!

http://thehelpmovie.com/us/

Looking Forward to 2012

2011 has been a wild ride for us. I think I have said that a bazillion times in the last month or so, but I'm saying it again. This blog is basically a recap of our 2011.
It began in January with me pregnant and extremely sick with HG. (For those of you not familiar with HG, I encourage you to google the HER foundation and read more about it). That lasted for two months where I pretty much spent the entire month of February confined to the 3rd floor of Rush Hospital, when finally on March 1, 2011 our baby girl, Miley Gayle Swancey made her apperance in to the world!

6lbs 11oz

We finished up March with Memphis turning 2, and then April rolled around with some of the wildest weather this area has seen in a really long time. 

Tornado roared through Enterprise

We made it through May with very little drama -- and then came June. This is when our lives seemed to completely unravel. The month began with me having a biopsy done and a cancer scare. I found out I had to have a hysterectomy ASAP for something that would potentially turn into cancer if not treated soon. Then, just 14 days before surgery, my husband lost his job, and we lost our health insurance. This summer wasn't a summer to us. We kept up happy faces for our kids, but we felt like we had the breath knocked out of us. We were terrified. We didn't know how the next bill would get paid, where the next diaper would come from or how we were going to put food on the table. We held on with all we had and thanks to the support of friends and family we somehow survived and made it through one day at a time. 

This photo was taken about an hour before Johnny found out he was jobless.

Desperate, I began searching high and low for a job. I accepted one doing something I never in a million years thought I would do, and to be completely honest didn't intend to keep doing once my husband found another steady job. Within a month of being there, I fell in love with it and now I couldn't imagine doing anything else. The job has truly saved our lives and many of my coworkers have become a second family to me. I have found much success with this job and thankfully my husband found a job within a month of me starting mine and finally we began to see the light again.

This photo was taken the day I accepted my new job and it gave me hope

I soon regained my health insurance, had my surgery and am feeling much better and happy to say no cancer was found! We saw Noah turn 4, celebrated Thanksgiving and gave our kids a great Christmas despite the fact half of us were sick. 

Miley's First Christmas

One thing is for sure, through it all I know it could've been way worse and I am so blessed to have a great support group of friends and family who have helped us along the way. I feel as though I've grown closer to God in all of this and have learned what it's like to really have your faith tested. We are moving forward and looking forward to what 2012 is going to bring. One way or another, we are determined no matter what the circumstances, to make 2012 our year.

Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas!

It's been an eventful year to say the least. We have had a lot of downs this year but the few ups we have had been meaningful and given us the strength to keep going. Thanks to all of our friends and family old and new for supporting us this year when we needed it the most. We believe we have made it to the light at the end of the tunnel and are very optimistic for 2012 to be the best year ever.

I hope all of you have a great Christmas and a Happy New Year! I'm sure I'll blog again before then, but just in case I didn't I thought I'd go ahead and say it. These are a few of my latest pics of my beautiful babies!

Life Lesson for the Day

If you haven't checked out Tyler Perry's "A Madea Christmas," you should. It's really good. It is a play, but it's really good. Tyler Perry to me, is a brilliant individual. I am a huge fan of him, and I love all of the Madea movies and plays. They are hysterical, but at the same time they always have a great message worked into them. One of these messages really impacted me late last night.

As I was watching this Christmas play, there came a scene where Madea and a few other women were sitting on a couch discussing jealousy and how they didn't understand why people just couldn't be encouraging to each other instead of tearing them down all the time. Madea made a comment that has stuck with me and I wanted to share with all of you because I think it it something that we should all take to heart. The comment was that God has given us all special talents and we are all here for a reason. Instead of tearing one another down or being jealous of the other's talent, go out and do your talent to the best of your ability and be proud and supportive of the person that may happen to do something better than you because maybe that is why they were placed on this earth.

It may sound silly, but I thought it was a true statement and real words of wisdom. Words we should all strive to live by.

That is my life lesson for the day!

Post-Op Report and All the Reasons I'm Thankful

I went in today for my post-op check up and got some great news and some not so great news. The not so great news is that apparently I have developed high blood pressure. They checked it 3 times and the last reading was 143/103 sooo that means I'll be taking bp meds now.

On to the great news, the doctor checked my incisions out and they all looked good. He took the glue off of them since they were itching like crazy and taped them together so I have to be really careful for the next few weeks, but I do get to return to work Monday as long as I am not doing any heavy lifting or standing for long periods of time and of course be cautious of the incisions. We talked about what he found and out of all the fibroids, cysts, endometriosis and adhesions he told me it was a blessing that there was no cancer found and that the surgery was definitely needed despite how young I am. 

This helps me transistion into all the reasons why I am so thankful this year. This has been an eventful year to put it mildly. It started off with me finishing an extremely difficult pregnancy to Miley being in NICU to me having biopsies done with the fear of having cancer to Johnny loosing his job. But you know what, it turned around for the best. I ended up taking on a job I thought I would hate but now couldn't imagine me doing anything else, Johnny landed an awesome job, Miley is healthy, my boys are healthy, and I am cancer free.

I am so grateful for all the things God has blessed me with. Words can't express how much I value my sweet l family and how thankful I am for the ones who supported us when Johnny lost his job. The ones who made sure we had food,who bought diapers, who were there when we just needed a shoulder to cry on, who kept us encouraged and told us not to loose faith. I am thankful God helped Johnny find a new job that has turned out to be so much better than his old one and that we actually get to spend time with him now because he has days off and still earns more than he did before. Thankful for my job, a job I took on thinking I would absolutely hate, that has turned out to be a blessing in itself. Thankful for my sweet co-workers who kept me motivated and encouraged me during a time when Johnny and I didn't know what the future held for us and still keep me encouraged today. Thankful for all the new friends I have made this year -some of you have become my second family. Thankful for Miss Smiley Miley - it was a rough ride getting her here but we made it and I couldn't ask for a sweeter more beautiful baby girl and for my boys who shower me with kisses and hugs at the end of a long day. Thankful for my health, for my home, and for all the luxuries in life God has blessed me with. I have learned this year to not take one single thing for granted because you can loose it in an instant.

It has been a long ride for us, but I am thankful we survived the roughest parts and I know that we will be just fine. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Miley's First Trip to See Santa = FAIL

Johnny decided that since I've been laid up in hospital beds and my own since Wednesday, he'd get me and Miley out of the house so we could work on "Santa's Gift List" for the kids. (I was wheeled around in a wheelchair for about 75% of the trip). In between stops, we decided to make a trip to Dillards, buy Miley a Christmas dress and we even purchased some candy cane earrings to complete the outfit. We did all of this with the intent of taking her to see Santa and getting her picture made. We ran into Santa on his way to the Cookie Store at which point he stopped and talked to Miley. She was all smiles and giggles as usual.We mentioned to Santa that we were on our way for her to get her picture made with him so he told us to go wait and he'd be there in just a second. When he arrived, we carried Miley over to him who was still all smiley as usual and she remained this way up until the point Johnny and I walked away towards the camera. At that point, she had a total meltdown thus ruining any chance of us getting a good picture of them. Oh well we can always try again. Maybe her 2 brothers can help her out on the next try. Below is a pic I snapped of her right before we made our way down to see him. At least we got a good bit of the gifts on their Christmas wishlist out of the way -- I mean "Santa" did. And as for post-surgery Mommy, she will be laying in the bed for the next few days because she did just a little too much today.

Surgery - Success!

Wednesday was D-Day for surgery. I was, as you can imagine, nervous, scared and happy to get it over with. I had set the alarm for 3:30 that morning only I forgot to actually set the alarm so we woke up at 4:30 and had to be at the hospital by 5:45.

Anyway, we got there before the bad weather hit, got checked in and in no time they had me in a room and even more amazing I was back in the surgery holding within 20 minutes of being taken to a room. The surgery started at 8:00 and was over sometime between 10:30-11:00.

The doctor said he found a lot of endometriosis, fibroids and adhesions but thankfully no signs of cancer. So after spending a night in the hospital I'm at home in my own bed.

I'm sore and I left the hospital with an upper respiratory infection, but he hooked me up with some good antibiotics and a breathing treatment so I won't be struggling fighting it combined with recovering from surgery. Other than that, I'm doing pretty good. It's hard to move around and it's really weird how it literally feels like there is something missing inside of me (I guess because there really is) but at the same time I can already feel a difference in how I feel overall despite the soreness.

Anyway, the doctor says as long as I stay off my feet as much as possible, rest, avoid housework, lifting, bending, cooking, shopping and driving that he will let me return to work within a week and half and that will be with the understanding that I am still supposed to restrict the amount of time on my feet, driving, etc.

Thanks to all of you who sent me texts, messaged me, prayed for me, called me, sent me a card, visited me in the hospital and have helped take care of me post-op.  It means a lot!!

Happy Thanksgiving :)

Wedding, Checkup, Surgery

This has been a long week. It started off with me playing catch up on Miley's checkups. I took her to Dr. Reid Monday and at 8 months she weighs 20 lbs and is 27 and 3/4 inches long and she is sweet as ever. She goes back in 6 weeks at which point she will hopefully be fully caught up.

I have gotten everything set, scheduled and prepared for my surgery next week. I will be staying overnight (which wasn't planned to begin with) and I could be off of work anywhere from 2-6 weeks. We are keeping our fingers crossed for 2 weeks though because I just can't be off work for too long! I'm nervous about the surgery but I know I've got tons of support and prayers going up for me ;)

I finished this week off with Roger and Brookley's wedding. My husband and Roger have been friends for over 20 years. I met Roger at MCC about 10 years ago and he's been an awesome friend to me through the years as well. Congrats to the new bride and groom.

Tonight state plays alabama - here's hoping for a miracle!!!!

Don't forget to be Thankful

Okay so I've been hiking the trails at Bonita lately, and well I've noticed that they've already started putting their Christmas decorations up?! Really? Even in downtown I've noticed the garland already going up and let's not forget the Christmas trees already in Walmart or the 994 bazillion Christmas commericals I've seen already! It's crazy.

What happened to celebrating Thanksgiving??? It seems like everyone has forgotten this holiday. In some ways it seems like people are so determined to bypass Halloween and jump right to Christmas as soon as September hits. With that being said, I'd like to take a moment to fill you in on 10 things I am thankful for this year.

1. The fact Johnny and I have both found awesome jobs
2. Our 3 beautiful children
3. Our home
4. Our health
5. My family
6. My friends old and new
7. My vehicle
8. God
9. My sweet doggy orange
10. Great neighbors

This year started off crazy, but thank God things have turned around for the best. I am of course still terrified of the surgery I am having in a couple of weeks, but I know I have some really incredible people praying for me and hanging by my side through it all.

Miley's First Halloween :)

Lots of things to talk about

I've been back and forth between this blog and Wordpress, and I've decided that this one is a lot easier to use. I've had tons of things going on over the past few months and very little time to blog, but now that things are finally sorting themselves out I hope to have more time to blog!

So where should I start?

I am still in love with my job. I think it is probably the coolest job I've ever had and I absolutely love the people I work with. They are by far some of the nicest most genuine people I've met in a really long while and it's always nice to have a job that feels like fun instead of just work, work, work.

Johnny's job is also going equally as well. So we finally feel like we are making a turn towards the light and out of the darkness and we couldn't be happier.

My babies are all growing by the day. Miley is almost 8 months old, drinking regular milk, sitting up, babbling away, trying to crawl, and has two teeth on the bottom that only enhance that sweet little smile of hers. Everyone tells me she looks like a baby doll or the Gerber baby. She is the sweetest little girl ever. We call her Smiley Miley because she is ALWAYS smiling and hardly ever cries.

Memphis is becoming more and more clearer with his speech and can now sing the entire "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" theme song. He's my little heartbreaker with those blue eyes and curly hair with his natural blonde highlights.

Noah will be in kindergarten next year! I can't believe it. He lost his first tooth last night and I told him that the tooth fairy was coming to visit and bring him a dollar. He responded by saying "Just tell her I want my tooth back, mom."

I finally reached the point at my job that I was able to regain my health insurance so I'm super excited because now I can have my much needed surgery! We are back on for November 16th and hopefully this will take care of all the crazy things I've had going on over the past few years.

I know it's  a bunch of random thoughts in one blog, but hey, at least now you are caught up. And if you're wondering, yes, I'm still doing the photography thing on the side, I just haven't had a whole lot of time to post any pictures lately.

Guess I'll Share This With The World Now

Since my c-section/tubal, my life has been crazy healthwise. It started off with continual nausea/vomiting that FINALLY went away and then mid April, more crziness emerged. I started having a lot of pelvic pain, back pain and some really weird abnormal bleeding (I will leave out the details of all of that) and a menstural cycle that lasted 2 weeks. I told my doctor about it, and he thought maybe it was a combination of me breastfeeding/healing from the tubal and section so he told me just to watch and see what happened, but he went ahead and did some blood tests. Those tests came back bad, so he called and had me come and do another round of testing. So about 2 weeks ago, I got a call from his nurses telling me I needed to come in and have an exam and possibly a biopsy done. I was told he would check my cervix and see if I had any abnormal cells. If I did, he'd biopsy them.

Well, that's where we are today and for all you ladies out there, it freaking hurts bad when they biopsy cells!!!! The exam today showed abnormal cells so he biopsied 2 of them and did some ultrasounds, and due to the pain and bleeding I continue to have, we have scheduled a hysterectomy for July 7th.

I still don't know what the biopsy has said yet and won't know for 2 weeks. But obviously I'm a little scared and I'm at that point to where I wonder if this will all ever just end and get better for me. This has been a really rough 2 years for me, and I am ready to have my health back to normal so I can fully enjoy my life and my kids and so I can finally move forward and start a career. I honestly thought that when they did the exam they weren't gonna find anything, so you can imagine how I felt when he tells me he's found cells and he will need to biopsy them.

So I'm asking you, if you believe in God and in the power of prayer, pray for me. Pray that this will all get better and pray that this biopsy will come back fine. But don't just pray for me, pray for my husband, my children and every other family member that has had to struggle with me through all of the crazy ups and downs of my health for the past 2 years. I know it's been hard on me but I also know it's been hard on my kids not having their  mom around all the time and in and out of the hospital. It's been hard on any family member who's had to stay up stressing over me, or trying to help me with my children or taking care of my house when I've been sick or had to go to the doctor. It's been hard on my husband who has basically had to kill himself working to take care of us and while he's never once griped to me about it and never once has he told me I need to hurry up and get better so I can work again, I know it's been hard on him too.

So please pray for all of us, and pray that this is finally all about to be over and done with for good.

I'm Still Here - Are you?

So today at 6 PM the world was supposed to end. Well it's about 8:10 PM an I'm still here. Are you?

People crack me up with this end of the world stuff. Apparently more of them should read Matthew 24:36 -- you know, that verse that says no one, NOT EVEN THE ANGELS know when Jesus is supposed to return. Don't get me wrong, it's not something anyone should take lightly and we should all be trying to live our lives accordingly (including me) so when that time comes we are all ready, but obviously, we can't predict when it's gonna happen.

It's situations like this that I can't help but believe Jesus has to have a sense of humor. No offense to anyone, but I can just see him up in heaven laughing at all the people who were freaking out really believing the world was about to be over.

"However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows." -- Matthew 24:36, New Living Translation

Being a Mom

I LOVE being a mom.

Crazy, right? Me, the girl who swore she’d never have kids enjoys being a mom to not one but THREE children. It’s weird how a baby can change things for you I guess.

I was always career driven and I guess maybe a little selfish in a way. I wanted it all. The bigger, better things in life. The big house, the fancy cars and clothes, the high paying job. I was well on my way in that direction when I began having children and suddenly things changed.

There’s nothing wrong with having big dreams – I still do, but having children opened my eyes to the fact that there were a lot of things in my life I took for granted.  Quickly I learned my priorites were way off and that it wasn’t all about me all the time anymore and that the things in life that held real value couldn’t be found in a boutique. I learned just how much I took for granted my own mom – and how I suddenly began to see her in a whole new light when I became a mom – strange, but true.

There’s something about these 3 little children that I can’t describe. The way each of them has wrapped their tiny little hands around my heart. From Noah telling me I am “Prettiful” to Memphis blowing me kisses and bringing me flowers, to Miley’s sweet little toothless smile, I never thought in a million years I would enjoy doing or being something as I have being a mom.  

Everyday is a new experience with them and it’s so much fun to watch them discover things for the first time. True there are times when they really get at my nerves but at the end of the day when they are sleeping so sweetly in their beds, I am reminded of why it was all so worth it. This is truly the best job anyone could ask for – and the most difficult!!!

Don’t get me wrong, I still have huge dreams for my life, and there are things such as houses, etc that I plan on getting one day, but I have just slowed down a little to enjoy the things that really matter in this world and I am learning the true meaning of love and happiness.

A little bit of negativity

So I really didn't want to open up about this until I knew an answer, but it's starting to eat me alive waiting and waiting to find out so I am just gonna throw it all on here and hopefully be at ease for a while.

Last Wednesday, I interviewed for a job at a local pre-school. Three positions are open, and I am hoping for the teaching one although I would graciously accept any of them. I went in completely confident, head held high, and 2 awesome letters of recommendation in hand along with my degree and resume. To me, the interview went great and I was told that night that there would be a vote to determine who got the positions. I don't think it was ever discussed when the people would be notified but I am sure background checks, etc would have to be done too.

Here it is Monday, and I haven't heard anything yet, and the more the days go by the more down on myself I get and the more I doubt I am going to get the job. Does anyone else do this to theirselves or is it just me? This job would be the ideal job for me as all of you know how much I love children (as if it isn't obvious by the 3 who are my own lol) and I have always loved working with them - the focus of my degree was child psychology.

The crazy thing is I had applied for some other jobs, and one of the jobs I applied for at the time had an opening here. Well I get a phone call this morning. The position is no longer open but it is open in Tuscaloosa. It's a great job that would pay great, but I don't think I can afford driving back and forth daily, nor do I want to move that far and not being ugly or anything, but um, wasn't everything just completely blown away there???

I think part of my negativity stems from the fact that on May 12th this month will mark my 5 year graduation anniversary from MSU. I worked hard for my degree and was so proud of myself to be able to walk across that stage that day. I knew I had accomplished something great, but it hit me today that only 2 out of those 5 years post gradation had been spent in a great job I was proud of. Which makes me wonder, was it really all worth it? Furthermore, I get sick of hearing people saying I make "X" amount of money and I didn't go to college -- or how they don't need a piece of paper to tell them how smart they are. When I look at that degree, I don't think "OMG I am SOOOO smart," but am reminded of the long hours spent studying, the countless research papers written, all those nights I stayed up all night after school all day and working all night preparing for a big test, the incredible friends I made, the professors that forever impacted my life, and all the incredible things I learned while in college that made me more intellegent -- and at the time, I thought I was bettering my life -- but in this moment, I feel like I wasted those years when I could have been working elsewhere instead of adding up more student debt.  My husband tells me everyday he's jealous of me, because I did something awesome. Because he saw a determination in me during that time unlike anything he's ever seen in anyone and that not everyone could balance work, school, and free time the way I did and be able to finish school and that he'd give anything to be able to say he held a degree like I held. I  know my parents are proud of me, and I am sure it makes my dad proud to say his daughter is an MSU graduate (the college he loves), but it's times like this that I can't help but to doubt myself.

My worst trait is that I hit the panic button too soon and that over the years, I have begun to doubt myself more and more. Something I really need to work on.

At the end of the day when I walk past that degree on the wall, I am proud of myself, because I know that right now it may not seem worth it, and to others it looks like another piece of paper on the wall, but to me it's a constant reminder of what hard work, dedication, and a lot of loooonnnngggg late night hours can do for you.

I am sure in the long run I will land the job I want (even though I really REALLY want this job!!), and if it's not this one then it just wasn't meant to be and I just have to trust there is something great coming my way - something that makes that little piece of framed paper all worth it.

Sickness, Ebay Selling, and Sunburns

This is one of Johnny's 3 day weekends and since his overtime has been cut (or at least him volunteering to work his off days), he has been here with us more - which I must say is nice! We spent all day yesterday outside, cooking out, and eating ice cream. I came up with the idea of pushing the kids swing set up to their kiddie pool so they could slide down into the pool and yes, I coated the slide with dishwashing liquid, and yes I joined in on this fun. That night we sat around the fire pit roasting marshmellows, and by the time we went in the kids were out.

The bad news is, I woke up this morning with a bad sunburn on my back, and feeling terrible. I have been so determined to get back into church that I decided I wasn't going to let this get me down -- but since Memphis has had stomach issues all weekend, I decided for Miley and I to go alone while Johnny stayed home with the boys. I get to church to find out the preacher is out sick too (whom when I emailed her later told me she was feeling queasy herself) and halfway through the sermon I just gave up and left because I felt that bad. So I came home got in the bed and took a long nap with the princess who now also doesn't seem to feel to well.

For some reason when I awoke I decided that I have so much stuff around here these kids or me can't use anymore that we might as well make some money off of them, so I listed a few things on eBay. We shall see what happens!


I'm pretty excited about the upcoming week/weekend - not just because it's mothers day, but because I have a couple of plans in the week (one is a surprise) and the other thing I have going on I hope will turn into something great for me. So keep your fingers crossed and pray that everything I'm hoping for will happen this week!!!

For the Wedding Lovers (and Haters)

A few years ago, I tried getting into that game for XBOX called Halo. I did it mainly because my husband was constantly hogging our TV with it, and because I figured it would give us some sort of bonding time together. When I told him I wanted to learn to play and "hang with the guys," he sweetly turned, looked at me and said "there isn't a non-girly, tomboyish bone in your body."

I guess he's right, because today I found myself glued to my TV watching Kate become a princess -- and --- I cried when they took their vows, I teared up when he turned to her and told her she looked beautiful, and my heart skipped a beat when they kissed.

I guess what most guys and girls who just aren't into things like this don't understand is that, for us fashion obsessed, wedding crazed, trend watching, shoe collecting, shop-a-holic girls, thiis our SEC championship game. This is our NASCAR (I'm assuming it's still called NASCAR) or whatever sporting event you guys get into. This is the stuff that we as little girls sitting in our rooms playing dressup (or in my case raiding my aunt brenda's jewlery box and closet lol) dream of. I always wanted to be a princess as a little girl, and I was convinced I was going to be Miss America when I was little -- Like to the point of walking around telling my teachers and anyone else who would listen about it. I even remember being a princess in a Christmas parade one year and my mom and Aunt Brenda teaching me to do the "Miss America wave" with my little tiara on, and let me tell you, I thought I was something riding on the back of that car with my tiara and fur coat lol. My mom even told me I had a swimsuit that had "future miss america on it" as a little girl.

So yes, I ate up every second of the wedding and in between catching my soap, cleaning house, taking care of 3 babies, and working out, I am watching every second of the post-wedding coverage - and yes, they over broadcast it and yes there has been some horrible, horrible things happen weatherwise around here lately, and my heart goes out to all the familes affected and I'll donate money and whatever else I can to charity to help, but please don't hate on me or any other girl who just wants to watch one girl get to live every girls dreams, because even in the middle of all this heartbreak and devestation, this wedding along with the recent birth of a friend of mine's baby girl reminds me that life isn't always doom and gloom and that there is always light at the end of the tunnel and that life must go on . It also gives me a little joy and happiness and a bit of relief from all of the horrific pictures and videos I have seen lately. 

So congratulations Kate, you are getting to live a real life fairytale that many of us girls have only been able to dream of and best wishes on your new life with your real life prince :)

For the Wedding Lovers (and Haters)

A few years ago, I tried getting into that game for XBOX called Halo. I did it mainly because my husband was constantly hogging our TV with it, and because I figured it would give us some sort of bonding time together. When I told him I wanted to learn to play and "hang with the guys," he sweetly turned, looked at me and said "there isn't a non-girly, tomboyish bone in your body." 

I guess he's right, because today I found myself glued to my TV watching Kate become a princess -- and --- I cried when they took their vows, I teared up when he turned to her and told her she looked beautiful, and my heart skipped a beat when they kissed.

I guess what most guys and girls who just aren't into things like this don't understand is that, for us fashion obsessed, wedding crazed, trend watching, shoe collecting, shop-a-holic girls, thiis our SEC championship game. This is our NASCAR (I'm assuming it's still called NASCAR) or whatever sporting event you guys get into. This is the stuff that we as little girls sitting in our rooms playing dressup (or in my case raiding my aunt brenda's jewlery box and closet lol) dream of. I always wanted to be a princess as a little girl, and I was convinced I was going to be Miss America when I was little -- Like to the point of walking around telling my teachers and anyone else who would listen about it. I even remember being a princess in a Christmas parade one year and my mom and Aunt Brenda teaching me to do the "Miss America wave" with my little tiara on, and let me tell you, I thought I was something riding on the back of that car with my tiara and fur coat lol.

So yes, I ate up every second of the wedding and in between catching my soap, cleaning house, taking care of 3 babies, and working out, I am watching every second of the post-wedding coverage - and yes, they over broadcast it and yes there has been some horrible, horrible things happen weatherwise around here lately, and my heart goes out to all the familes affected and I'll donate money and whatever else I can to charity to help, but please don't hate on me or any other girl who just wants to watch one girl get to live every girls dreams, because even in the middle of all this heartbreak and devestation, this wedding along with the recent birth of a friend of mine's baby girl reminds me that life isn't always doom and gloom and that there is always light at the end of the tunnel and that life must go on . It also gives me a little joy and happiness and a bit of relief from all of the horrific pictures and videos I have seen lately. 

So congratulations Kate, you are getting to live a real life fairytale that many of us girls have only been able to dream of and best wishes on your new life with your real life prince :)

Learning to be Me

September 7 of this year will mark my 28th birthday -- May of next year will mark my 10 year high school reunion. So why am I mentioning these 2 things? Quite simply because I'm almost 30 years old and most days I'm still unsure of who I truly am.

I can still remember sitting with my classmates on graduation day and wondering where I would be in 10 years. I can tell you my vision didn't include 3 children and me being jobless. I assumed I'd be married for sure, and possibly have 1 kid, but 3 -- I would have probably laughed in your face because I was one that was always saying you'd be lucky to get one kid out of me.

I knew I would be a college graduate, but I was hoping to have had a Master's degree by now and I figured I would have this incredible job that I could be proud of. I would have never imagined that the economy would be in the shape it's in today and that jobs seemed virtually impossible to land.

Don't get me wrong on the mommy thing. I love my kids, and from the minute Noah was placed in my arms my whole perspective on kids and motherhood changed almost immediately. It was at that point I knew I wanted 3, but there again I never imagined my last 2 pregnancies would be so rough -- especially the 3rd!

I have always battled with low self-esteem. That stems from being bullied all the way up until the day I graduated. People in school were pretty awful to me and called me terrible names, or in grade school made fun of my  hair, etc. I was labeled as a fat kid, I had one group of guys in high school try to label me as a lesbian, say I looked like a man, or call me names like "Ape." -- and the thing about it is, I'm friends with a majority of them now online and they either  have completely forgotten how they treated me, or they didn't realize the impact it had on my life. Furthermore 90% of them have, thankfully grown up and act a lot more mature, but I think a lot of people don't realize the impact that words can have on a person.  The  sadder thing is through all of this my mom tried to encourage me to be strong, believe in myself and that I was a beautiful person, but for whatever reason I just never listened. I was always afraid standing up to them would make things harder on me and the longer I let them beat me down, the more damage it did to me as a whole.

I always felt like the outcast in school, and when I graduated, I was determined to change that. I lost a bunch of weight following graduation, went on to college, made a completely new set of friends, met my husband and got my degree.

A few years into my relationship with a guy (who is now my husband) I remember him telling me how beautiful I was. I laughed in his face, confusing him obviously, and I went on to tell him about how I felt about myself. I couldn't believe he even wanted to date me because I thought I was so ugly. He of course at this point thought I was crazy and wanted to know where all this was coming from.

During all this, I started working at a mental health facility when one day I was talking with one of my co-workers, a therapist, about my outlook on life, myself, and my body. I told her how for years I had always felt like a fat, ugly, "manly" looking girl and felt like I could never be the person I truly wanted to be. It was at this point she told me I clearly had a body image disorder.

I've spent the past few years trying to change my outlook on life, and figure out who I really am. I have spent too many years either letting people beat me down to feeling like nothing or trying to be someone I wasn't. Since the birth of my daughter, I am more determined than ever to discover my true self. I want her to grow up stronger than I was. To learn that beauty isn't all superficial and that true beauty comes from within. I want her to see that I'm proud of who I am and that people can take it or leave it. More than that, I want to establish a relationship with God and I want her to see my closeness to him. I want her to learn to rely on him for strength and guidance.

It will take a while, but I know in time I will figure out who I am and what God truly wants me to do with my life.

Easter has come and gone

So this was Noah's 4th Easter, Memphis' 2nd and Miley's 1st. It was also the first year that Noah fully got the concept of what was going on. He loved every second of it -- from the egg dying, to the egg hunting, to the gifts from his grandparents, to the dressing up for church. 

A couple of weeks ago I had asked Noah what he wanted the Easter bunny to bring him. His response? "Sunglasses and a coloring book."  So we made extra sure that Easter Bunny got just what he wanted. Now he's on a kick of telling everyone how his birthday is coming up and how he wants  BIIIIIGGG skateboard. He also wants a Mickey cake, a "McQueen" game (aka a Cars game for the XBox) balloons and presents. He also wants his friends to come - and by friends he means Memphis and "his Gavin."

Our Easter was pretty traditional. Saturday the boys went with my in-laws where they dyed eggs. That afternoon we had a cookout here with them where we also hunted the eggs. The only bad part was Memphis developed a stomach bug that night.

Sunday morning he woke up and threw up on the floor and continued to have nasty diapers. Needless to say I was disappointed because I hadn't been to church since I had given birth to Miley and I had been excited about finally returning on Easter Sunday, so, I decided I wasn't going to let this stop me and loaded Memphis up on stomach meds which seemed to do the trick.

Off to chruch we went followed by spending the afternoon at Nana's where we again hunted eggs, they got gifts and we spent time with Nana, Pop, Aunt Allyson, Gavin, Harley and Uncle Chris. 

And when we got home.... Memphis threw up again. Now he's running fever and in bed, so we will see what happens -- I can at least say he seemed to enjoy the day regardless of his stomach troubles.

Miley didn't seem too interested in the holiday. She slept about 90% of the day but that's to be expected wtih a 7 week old.

Hope your Easter was fabulous!

The curls are gone

Monday was a sad day at my house. It started off as a normal haircutting session with Noah and Johnny. I set the clippers down for a second to check on Miley and when I came back, my adorable could be curly headed baby model had whacked the side of his hair off forcing me to cut the rest. I cried my eyes out. I cried myself to sleep and my husband just didn't get why I was so sad. I saved a handful of the curls for the baby book, and I am getting used to the new look but oh how I miss seeing my curly headed little man running through the yard. It is just another reminder of how quickly they grow. I'm just glad I got some good pictures of him before this happened.

Speaking of growing, I take Miss Miley for her checkup Friday and i am interested in seeing what she weighs since she is a week away from 2 months and can still wear newborn clothes (by this time with the boys the newborn sizes had been long gone) but I like her being little. She still looks like a baby doll and as long as she's healthy I am happy.

I'm still working on loosingnthe baby weight. I walk 6 days a week and do yoga and ab work throughout the week as well. My husband says I an anorexic because I never eat but I think he's crazy. I just don't eat as much as he thinks I should but anyway!

Hope everyone has an awesome Easter :)

Just a few of my photography pics

 

I've been sitting here for the past hour watching the weather on TV. It makes me wonder when did I get to the age that I could sit and watch the weather for this long and actually get hooked on it??? My kids have all piled on the couch with me, and well they are still at the age that this stuff bores the crap out of them, so all of them (including baby) are passed out on the couch. I figure I could take this moment of peace and quiet to share with you a few of my photos -- I'll start with my sweet baby girl Miley Gayle - whom I've nicknamed "pretty girl" the past few days.

I'll add more later. My computer has decided to act crazy and not let me upload any of the others I wanted to share.

Happy Easter, and hopefully the weather will skip my area like it's done pretty much all day!

UPDATED BELOW!!

Just wanted to clear my mind

I haoove a lot of things on my mind, but I'm at a loss as to how to fit them in an order to where they'd actually make sense in this blog.

I guess the thing that bothers me most at the moment is fake people. It seems as though social networks have become a breeding ground for them as well. I mean, do these people honestly think we don't know the real them away from these sites? And what happened to just being you? I don't get why people are trying so hard to put up a front and portray themselves in a way that everyone knows they're not. Why try so hard to impress people? People like you for the real you not the fake "look at me look at me" type you.  It just irritates me to have to sign on everyday and have my news feed cluttered with the BS of a fake person. I guess I should hide their posts, huh?

With that off my chest and completely switching gears to something else, I'm loving the photography thing. More and more people are telling me about how beautiful the pictures were of Miley and how I should really pursue this as a side if not a full-time job. So I bought a few Easter props, and I'm waiting on Miley's specially made Easter outfit and I plan on taking a few more pics of her (and the boys too). I also plan on taking some photography classes when I go back to school this fall. 

Keep watching my blog, it'll get more interesting I promise, and I plan on posting some pics from my photography hobby soon!!

Babies, Photography and life in general these days

So it's been a while since I've posted anything on here, but since I last posted a lot has happened! For starters, Miss Miley Gayle made her appearance on March 1, 2011 after months of battling constant nausea, vomiting and heartburn along with the occasional blood pressure issues, Dr. Purdy decided to put an end to it all at 37 weeks. I had her of course, via c-section, and she was born with a slight issue with her lungs, but today she is perfectly healthy and absolutely beautiful! Everyone tells me she's perfect and looks like a baby doll, and I of course have to agree!

The question I get asked more than anything is, "where did the name Miley Gayle come from?" -- well it's simple (but a bit detailed too) Since I was a little girl playing with baby dolls I knew I always wanted a little girl of my own. As I grew older and my mom came more than just a mom to me and more of my best friend, I really wanted a little girl. Someone I could share the same mother/daughter bond I've shared with my mom. Someone that I could, like my mom, come check her out from school one day just to take her shopping. Or one day in the future go on what we like to call "field trips" with my grandchildren and her. Also, I knew that even though I'm sure Noah and Memphis will always love me and care about me, a daughter is just going to see about you and take care of you in a way different than a son will. I've also noticed already, that there is just something different about having a daughter. With all that being said, I wanted Miley's name to have meaning. I wanted her to know that she was named after 2 women who were strong, independent women. Two women who valued life and knew the meaning of love and family. So who better to name her after than my own mother (Wanda Gayle) and my grandmother (Janice Miles Mosley). Obviously I couldn't name her Miles, so we dropped the "S" added a "Y" and gave her the same middle name as my mom.

So I now have 3 children all under the age of 5, and yes it's a lot of work, but I wouldn't change it for anything. My children are awesome and I love spending time with them. While I will be glad to return to the working world, I will also miss them and their sweet little smiles.

Speaking of working, I've decided to go back to school and finally pursue this LPN thing I've wanted to do for a while. I love my husband to death for supporting me in doing it. It will take about a year, but I think it'll be worth it in the end. While I'm there, I'm gonna take a few photography courses too. Everyone has told me I should look into doing professional photography. I've never thought I was that good at it, but my mom, my in-laws and several friends of mine have told me I take awesome pictures.

It makes since, because there again when I was little I used to love taking pictures with disposable cameras. Right now I'm using a Nikon Cool-Pix camera because something happened to my nice, expensive camera, and I haven't thought the pictures I were taking were all that wonderful, but here again people have gone on and on about the little photoshoot I did with Miley, and my husband has told me that "it doesn't matter what kind of camera you have, a true photographer will have an eye and the creativity to take an awesome picture no matter what they are using."

So maybe he's right. I subscribed to some really awesome photo software last night that I'm excited about and Johnny says he's gonna buy me a nicer camera than I had last go round with professional lenses and all, and I guess now I'll make a few trips to the fabric store for some different back drops and experiment more with this "hidden talent" of mine, and see what happens.

So that's pretty much how my life is going these days. My health does seem to be improving thank God, and I was diagnosed with post-partum depression, but with the "happy drugs" I'm feeling better than ever these days. I love my life, my family and all my awesome friends and things really seem to be looking up these days!

Keep watching my blog, I think I'll start displaying my photography projects on here ;)