Since my c-section/tubal, my life has been crazy healthwise. It started off with continual nausea/vomiting that FINALLY went away and then mid April, more crziness emerged. I started having a lot of pelvic pain, back pain and some really weird abnormal bleeding (I will leave out the details of all of that) and a menstural cycle that lasted 2 weeks. I told my doctor about it, and he thought maybe it was a combination of me breastfeeding/healing from the tubal and section so he told me just to watch and see what happened, but he went ahead and did some blood tests. Those tests came back bad, so he called and had me come and do another round of testing. So about 2 weeks ago, I got a call from his nurses telling me I needed to come in and have an exam and possibly a biopsy done. I was told he would check my cervix and see if I had any abnormal cells. If I did, he'd biopsy them.
Well, that's where we are today and for all you ladies out there, it freaking hurts bad when they biopsy cells!!!! The exam today showed abnormal cells so he biopsied 2 of them and did some ultrasounds, and due to the pain and bleeding I continue to have, we have scheduled a hysterectomy for July 7th.
I still don't know what the biopsy has said yet and won't know for 2 weeks. But obviously I'm a little scared and I'm at that point to where I wonder if this will all ever just end and get better for me. This has been a really rough 2 years for me, and I am ready to have my health back to normal so I can fully enjoy my life and my kids and so I can finally move forward and start a career. I honestly thought that when they did the exam they weren't gonna find anything, so you can imagine how I felt when he tells me he's found cells and he will need to biopsy them.
So I'm asking you, if you believe in God and in the power of prayer, pray for me. Pray that this will all get better and pray that this biopsy will come back fine. But don't just pray for me, pray for my husband, my children and every other family member that has had to struggle with me through all of the crazy ups and downs of my health for the past 2 years. I know it's been hard on me but I also know it's been hard on my kids not having their mom around all the time and in and out of the hospital. It's been hard on any family member who's had to stay up stressing over me, or trying to help me with my children or taking care of my house when I've been sick or had to go to the doctor. It's been hard on my husband who has basically had to kill himself working to take care of us and while he's never once griped to me about it and never once has he told me I need to hurry up and get better so I can work again, I know it's been hard on him too.
So please pray for all of us, and pray that this is finally all about to be over and done with for good.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
I'm Still Here - Are you?
So today at 6 PM the world was supposed to end. Well it's about 8:10 PM an I'm still here. Are you?
People crack me up with this end of the world stuff. Apparently more of them should read Matthew 24:36 -- you know, that verse that says no one, NOT EVEN THE ANGELS know when Jesus is supposed to return. Don't get me wrong, it's not something anyone should take lightly and we should all be trying to live our lives accordingly (including me) so when that time comes we are all ready, but obviously, we can't predict when it's gonna happen.
It's situations like this that I can't help but believe Jesus has to have a sense of humor. No offense to anyone, but I can just see him up in heaven laughing at all the people who were freaking out really believing the world was about to be over.
"However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows." -- Matthew 24:36, New Living Translation
People crack me up with this end of the world stuff. Apparently more of them should read Matthew 24:36 -- you know, that verse that says no one, NOT EVEN THE ANGELS know when Jesus is supposed to return. Don't get me wrong, it's not something anyone should take lightly and we should all be trying to live our lives accordingly (including me) so when that time comes we are all ready, but obviously, we can't predict when it's gonna happen.
It's situations like this that I can't help but believe Jesus has to have a sense of humor. No offense to anyone, but I can just see him up in heaven laughing at all the people who were freaking out really believing the world was about to be over.
"However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows." -- Matthew 24:36, New Living Translation
Friday, May 13, 2011
Being a Mom
I LOVE being a mom.
Crazy, right? Me, the girl who swore she’d never have kids enjoys being a mom to not one but THREE children. It’s weird how a baby can change things for you I guess.
I was always career driven and I guess maybe a little selfish in a way. I wanted it all. The bigger, better things in life. The big house, the fancy cars and clothes, the high paying job. I was well on my way in that direction when I began having children and suddenly things changed.
There’s nothing wrong with having big dreams – I still do, but having children opened my eyes to the fact that there were a lot of things in my life I took for granted. Quickly I learned my priorites were way off and that it wasn’t all about me all the time anymore and that the things in life that held real value couldn’t be found in a boutique. I learned just how much I took for granted my own mom – and how I suddenly began to see her in a whole new light when I became a mom – strange, but true.
There’s something about these 3 little children that I can’t describe. The way each of them has wrapped their tiny little hands around my heart. From Noah telling me I am “Prettiful” to Memphis blowing me kisses and bringing me flowers, to Miley’s sweet little toothless smile, I never thought in a million years I would enjoy doing or being something as I have being a mom.
Everyday is a new experience with them and it’s so much fun to watch them discover things for the first time. True there are times when they really get at my nerves but at the end of the day when they are sleeping so sweetly in their beds, I am reminded of why it was all so worth it. This is truly the best job anyone could ask for – and the most difficult!!!
Don’t get me wrong, I still have huge dreams for my life, and there are things such as houses, etc that I plan on getting one day, but I have just slowed down a little to enjoy the things that really matter in this world and I am learning the true meaning of love and happiness.
Monday, May 9, 2011
A little bit of negativity
So I really didn't want to open up about this until I knew an answer, but it's starting to eat me alive waiting and waiting to find out so I am just gonna throw it all on here and hopefully be at ease for a while.
Last Wednesday, I interviewed for a job at a local pre-school. Three positions are open, and I am hoping for the teaching one although I would graciously accept any of them. I went in completely confident, head held high, and 2 awesome letters of recommendation in hand along with my degree and resume. To me, the interview went great and I was told that night that there would be a vote to determine who got the positions. I don't think it was ever discussed when the people would be notified but I am sure background checks, etc would have to be done too.
Here it is Monday, and I haven't heard anything yet, and the more the days go by the more down on myself I get and the more I doubt I am going to get the job. Does anyone else do this to theirselves or is it just me? This job would be the ideal job for me as all of you know how much I love children (as if it isn't obvious by the 3 who are my own lol) and I have always loved working with them - the focus of my degree was child psychology.
The crazy thing is I had applied for some other jobs, and one of the jobs I applied for at the time had an opening here. Well I get a phone call this morning. The position is no longer open but it is open in Tuscaloosa. It's a great job that would pay great, but I don't think I can afford driving back and forth daily, nor do I want to move that far and not being ugly or anything, but um, wasn't everything just completely blown away there???
I think part of my negativity stems from the fact that on May 12th this month will mark my 5 year graduation anniversary from MSU. I worked hard for my degree and was so proud of myself to be able to walk across that stage that day. I knew I had accomplished something great, but it hit me today that only 2 out of those 5 years post gradation had been spent in a great job I was proud of. Which makes me wonder, was it really all worth it? Furthermore, I get sick of hearing people saying I make "X" amount of money and I didn't go to college -- or how they don't need a piece of paper to tell them how smart they are. When I look at that degree, I don't think "OMG I am SOOOO smart," but am reminded of the long hours spent studying, the countless research papers written, all those nights I stayed up all night after school all day and working all night preparing for a big test, the incredible friends I made, the professors that forever impacted my life, and all the incredible things I learned while in college that made me more intellegent -- and at the time, I thought I was bettering my life -- but in this moment, I feel like I wasted those years when I could have been working elsewhere instead of adding up more student debt. My husband tells me everyday he's jealous of me, because I did something awesome. Because he saw a determination in me during that time unlike anything he's ever seen in anyone and that not everyone could balance work, school, and free time the way I did and be able to finish school and that he'd give anything to be able to say he held a degree like I held. I know my parents are proud of me, and I am sure it makes my dad proud to say his daughter is an MSU graduate (the college he loves), but it's times like this that I can't help but to doubt myself.
My worst trait is that I hit the panic button too soon and that over the years, I have begun to doubt myself more and more. Something I really need to work on.
At the end of the day when I walk past that degree on the wall, I am proud of myself, because I know that right now it may not seem worth it, and to others it looks like another piece of paper on the wall, but to me it's a constant reminder of what hard work, dedication, and a lot of loooonnnngggg late night hours can do for you.
I am sure in the long run I will land the job I want (even though I really REALLY want this job!!), and if it's not this one then it just wasn't meant to be and I just have to trust there is something great coming my way - something that makes that little piece of framed paper all worth it.
Last Wednesday, I interviewed for a job at a local pre-school. Three positions are open, and I am hoping for the teaching one although I would graciously accept any of them. I went in completely confident, head held high, and 2 awesome letters of recommendation in hand along with my degree and resume. To me, the interview went great and I was told that night that there would be a vote to determine who got the positions. I don't think it was ever discussed when the people would be notified but I am sure background checks, etc would have to be done too.
Here it is Monday, and I haven't heard anything yet, and the more the days go by the more down on myself I get and the more I doubt I am going to get the job. Does anyone else do this to theirselves or is it just me? This job would be the ideal job for me as all of you know how much I love children (as if it isn't obvious by the 3 who are my own lol) and I have always loved working with them - the focus of my degree was child psychology.
The crazy thing is I had applied for some other jobs, and one of the jobs I applied for at the time had an opening here. Well I get a phone call this morning. The position is no longer open but it is open in Tuscaloosa. It's a great job that would pay great, but I don't think I can afford driving back and forth daily, nor do I want to move that far and not being ugly or anything, but um, wasn't everything just completely blown away there???
I think part of my negativity stems from the fact that on May 12th this month will mark my 5 year graduation anniversary from MSU. I worked hard for my degree and was so proud of myself to be able to walk across that stage that day. I knew I had accomplished something great, but it hit me today that only 2 out of those 5 years post gradation had been spent in a great job I was proud of. Which makes me wonder, was it really all worth it? Furthermore, I get sick of hearing people saying I make "X" amount of money and I didn't go to college -- or how they don't need a piece of paper to tell them how smart they are. When I look at that degree, I don't think "OMG I am SOOOO smart," but am reminded of the long hours spent studying, the countless research papers written, all those nights I stayed up all night after school all day and working all night preparing for a big test, the incredible friends I made, the professors that forever impacted my life, and all the incredible things I learned while in college that made me more intellegent -- and at the time, I thought I was bettering my life -- but in this moment, I feel like I wasted those years when I could have been working elsewhere instead of adding up more student debt. My husband tells me everyday he's jealous of me, because I did something awesome. Because he saw a determination in me during that time unlike anything he's ever seen in anyone and that not everyone could balance work, school, and free time the way I did and be able to finish school and that he'd give anything to be able to say he held a degree like I held. I know my parents are proud of me, and I am sure it makes my dad proud to say his daughter is an MSU graduate (the college he loves), but it's times like this that I can't help but to doubt myself.
My worst trait is that I hit the panic button too soon and that over the years, I have begun to doubt myself more and more. Something I really need to work on.
At the end of the day when I walk past that degree on the wall, I am proud of myself, because I know that right now it may not seem worth it, and to others it looks like another piece of paper on the wall, but to me it's a constant reminder of what hard work, dedication, and a lot of loooonnnngggg late night hours can do for you.
I am sure in the long run I will land the job I want (even though I really REALLY want this job!!), and if it's not this one then it just wasn't meant to be and I just have to trust there is something great coming my way - something that makes that little piece of framed paper all worth it.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Sickness, Ebay Selling, and Sunburns
This is one of Johnny's 3 day weekends and since his overtime has been cut (or at least him volunteering to work his off days), he has been here with us more - which I must say is nice! We spent all day yesterday outside, cooking out, and eating ice cream. I came up with the idea of pushing the kids swing set up to their kiddie pool so they could slide down into the pool and yes, I coated the slide with dishwashing liquid, and yes I joined in on this fun. That night we sat around the fire pit roasting marshmellows, and by the time we went in the kids were out.
The bad news is, I woke up this morning with a bad sunburn on my back, and feeling terrible. I have been so determined to get back into church that I decided I wasn't going to let this get me down -- but since Memphis has had stomach issues all weekend, I decided for Miley and I to go alone while Johnny stayed home with the boys. I get to church to find out the preacher is out sick too (whom when I emailed her later told me she was feeling queasy herself) and halfway through the sermon I just gave up and left because I felt that bad. So I came home got in the bed and took a long nap with the princess who now also doesn't seem to feel to well.
For some reason when I awoke I decided that I have so much stuff around here these kids or me can't use anymore that we might as well make some money off of them, so I listed a few things on eBay. We shall see what happens!
I'm pretty excited about the upcoming week/weekend - not just because it's mothers day, but because I have a couple of plans in the week (one is a surprise) and the other thing I have going on I hope will turn into something great for me. So keep your fingers crossed and pray that everything I'm hoping for will happen this week!!!
The bad news is, I woke up this morning with a bad sunburn on my back, and feeling terrible. I have been so determined to get back into church that I decided I wasn't going to let this get me down -- but since Memphis has had stomach issues all weekend, I decided for Miley and I to go alone while Johnny stayed home with the boys. I get to church to find out the preacher is out sick too (whom when I emailed her later told me she was feeling queasy herself) and halfway through the sermon I just gave up and left because I felt that bad. So I came home got in the bed and took a long nap with the princess who now also doesn't seem to feel to well.
For some reason when I awoke I decided that I have so much stuff around here these kids or me can't use anymore that we might as well make some money off of them, so I listed a few things on eBay. We shall see what happens!
I'm pretty excited about the upcoming week/weekend - not just because it's mothers day, but because I have a couple of plans in the week (one is a surprise) and the other thing I have going on I hope will turn into something great for me. So keep your fingers crossed and pray that everything I'm hoping for will happen this week!!!
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