Keeping the Faith

Wednesday I got one of those phonecalls that no one wants to get. The kind that makes you stop dead in your tracks and knocks the breath out of you. With all the tests and surgeries and other crazy things I've had going on lately it all came down to this one phonecall. I got the answers I had been waiting on, but they weren't the answers I wanted. 

Without telling everything because there are some details I'd like to keep private and between only me and my close friends and family, I discovered Wednesday that if this biopsy doesn't come back positive for cancer, there's a 75% chance I'm gonna end up with it over the course of the next few years. Furthermore the thing that's causing all these issues -- well there's no treatment for it and I will have to deal with it for the rest of my life, so basically I feel like I'm holding my breath every second of everyday hoping it doesn't turn into something bad. 

It's one of those moments where you know that you have to make a choice in life - either you can sit and cry your eyes out about it and think of the worst - or you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try to keep going. 

Don't get me wrong, when I got that phonecall, I had just pulled into the parking lot at my job and I sat there for a good 30 minutes crying and asking God why. I turned around and called my husband who by the way is in Austin Texas for an unknown amount of time working and cried my eyes out to him. I then tried to get myself together to go in, but once my feet hit the top step of that second floor, the tears came back and I found my self outside on the balcony calling my husband a second time for support. 

I'm absolutely terrified. There are so many what ifs floating around in my head it's crazy - but this is what I do know. There is a God in control of my life. He is bigger than any health problem or my body may ever have and even if by some horrific chance I do wind up with it, I know that no matter what God is by my side. All I can do is hold on to my faith and trust no matter what the outcome, I will be just fine. 

So I'm asking you to pray for me and my family. None of us knows what lies ahead of us and we are all scared and nervous about what the future holds. We are taking it one day at a time and holding strong to our faith. We are asking all of you to help us remain strong.  

I will keep you updated for sure. 

365 Day Photo Challenge - This weeks Photos

I'm really sucking at this. I can't keep up with each day, but this is what I got for this week!

There she is....

One of my fondest childhood memories was of me in my bedroom pretending to be Miss America. I had the wave down pat. My life's ambition was to be Miss America. I had the fake cry planned out and everything. Unfortunately, as I got older and the kids got meaner, I lost myself confidence and decided I wasn't good enough to accomplish such a title.

This got me thinking. It's a shame at how hateful and cruel girls can be. That's probably why I've always found it easier to make male friends over females. Some girls seem o think that's impossible for some reason and that you can't possibly befriend a guy without having some hidden motive, but one of the best friends I ever had was a guy. He was like a brother to me and I miss him daily.

I don't get why girls feel the need to stab each other in the back to get ahead in life. Why they must put each other down. As a kid I was made fun of for my red hair and freckles. As I got older, my weight. Some of my classmates in highschool referred to me as "Ape" and even said I looked like a man.

There have been many days when I wished that I could have them take a walk in my brain and feel the emotional scars they have left on me. They damaged me. I have the worst self image of anyone you've ever seen and the worst eating habits of anyone (seriously, I've been known to go days without eating) and it's all thanks to bullying and the cruel spirits of some spoiled little girls.

Miley will definitely have red hair. I hope that I can teach her to be stronger than I was and stand up to girls like the ones I've described above. I hope and pray she never experiences the torture I experienced in school. I hope she's stronger than me, more conifident than me, and bolder than me.

Instead of tearing each other down, we need to build each other up. We live in a culture where the media portays the ideal woman as a trashy bimbo. As another one of my favorite bloggers blogged the other night, what happened to classiness? And what happened to respect for one another and supporting each other?

Just a thought.

365 Day Photo Challenge - Weeks worth of photos

 Foggy Days

Beautiful Bonfires

Moonlit Skies

Tired Little Boy

Sweet Baby Girl

Hoping for a better week of photos next week. Hoping to have time to put more thought into it! Can't wait to get my new camera!

365 Day Photo Challenge - Day 2 - All in a Day's Work

This is my husband Johnny. He works hard for his money. I'm proud of him though. No matter what he always puts us ahead of anything he wants and part of why he works so hard (probably 99.9% of why he works so hard) is because of us. 

365 Days of Photos -- Revisited

So I tried doing this in the middle of last Summer, but with all the craziness in our lives at the time, it just didn't work out. Therefore, I have decided to start right at the beginning of 2012 with 365 days of photos. Today's photo was taken during my early morning walk/run. I am hoping for 2012 to be the best year yet. I have tons of personal resolutions and I hope to achieve each of them by the time we ring in 2013. Happy New Year everyone :)