Keeping the Faith

Wednesday I got one of those phonecalls that no one wants to get. The kind that makes you stop dead in your tracks and knocks the breath out of you. With all the tests and surgeries and other crazy things I've had going on lately it all came down to this one phonecall. I got the answers I had been waiting on, but they weren't the answers I wanted. 

Without telling everything because there are some details I'd like to keep private and between only me and my close friends and family, I discovered Wednesday that if this biopsy doesn't come back positive for cancer, there's a 75% chance I'm gonna end up with it over the course of the next few years. Furthermore the thing that's causing all these issues -- well there's no treatment for it and I will have to deal with it for the rest of my life, so basically I feel like I'm holding my breath every second of everyday hoping it doesn't turn into something bad. 

It's one of those moments where you know that you have to make a choice in life - either you can sit and cry your eyes out about it and think of the worst - or you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try to keep going. 

Don't get me wrong, when I got that phonecall, I had just pulled into the parking lot at my job and I sat there for a good 30 minutes crying and asking God why. I turned around and called my husband who by the way is in Austin Texas for an unknown amount of time working and cried my eyes out to him. I then tried to get myself together to go in, but once my feet hit the top step of that second floor, the tears came back and I found my self outside on the balcony calling my husband a second time for support. 

I'm absolutely terrified. There are so many what ifs floating around in my head it's crazy - but this is what I do know. There is a God in control of my life. He is bigger than any health problem or my body may ever have and even if by some horrific chance I do wind up with it, I know that no matter what God is by my side. All I can do is hold on to my faith and trust no matter what the outcome, I will be just fine. 

So I'm asking you to pray for me and my family. None of us knows what lies ahead of us and we are all scared and nervous about what the future holds. We are taking it one day at a time and holding strong to our faith. We are asking all of you to help us remain strong.  

I will keep you updated for sure.