So I really didn't want to open up about this until I knew an answer, but it's starting to eat me alive waiting and waiting to find out so I am just gonna throw it all on here and hopefully be at ease for a while.
Last Wednesday, I interviewed for a job at a local pre-school. Three positions are open, and I am hoping for the teaching one although I would graciously accept any of them. I went in completely confident, head held high, and 2 awesome letters of recommendation in hand along with my degree and resume. To me, the interview went great and I was told that night that there would be a vote to determine who got the positions. I don't think it was ever discussed when the people would be notified but I am sure background checks, etc would have to be done too.
Here it is Monday, and I haven't heard anything yet, and the more the days go by the more down on myself I get and the more I doubt I am going to get the job. Does anyone else do this to theirselves or is it just me? This job would be the ideal job for me as all of you know how much I love children (as if it isn't obvious by the 3 who are my own lol) and I have always loved working with them - the focus of my degree was child psychology.
The crazy thing is I had applied for some other jobs, and one of the jobs I applied for at the time had an opening here. Well I get a phone call this morning. The position is no longer open but it is open in Tuscaloosa. It's a great job that would pay great, but I don't think I can afford driving back and forth daily, nor do I want to move that far and not being ugly or anything, but um, wasn't everything just completely blown away there???
I think part of my negativity stems from the fact that on May 12th this month will mark my 5 year graduation anniversary from MSU. I worked hard for my degree and was so proud of myself to be able to walk across that stage that day. I knew I had accomplished something great, but it hit me today that only 2 out of those 5 years post gradation had been spent in a great job I was proud of. Which makes me wonder, was it really all worth it? Furthermore, I get sick of hearing people saying I make "X" amount of money and I didn't go to college -- or how they don't need a piece of paper to tell them how smart they are. When I look at that degree, I don't think "OMG I am SOOOO smart," but am reminded of the long hours spent studying, the countless research papers written, all those nights I stayed up all night after school all day and working all night preparing for a big test, the incredible friends I made, the professors that forever impacted my life, and all the incredible things I learned while in college that made me more intellegent -- and at the time, I thought I was bettering my life -- but in this moment, I feel like I wasted those years when I could have been working elsewhere instead of adding up more student debt. My husband tells me everyday he's jealous of me, because I did something awesome. Because he saw a determination in me during that time unlike anything he's ever seen in anyone and that not everyone could balance work, school, and free time the way I did and be able to finish school and that he'd give anything to be able to say he held a degree like I held. I know my parents are proud of me, and I am sure it makes my dad proud to say his daughter is an MSU graduate (the college he loves), but it's times like this that I can't help but to doubt myself.
My worst trait is that I hit the panic button too soon and that over the years, I have begun to doubt myself more and more. Something I really need to work on.
At the end of the day when I walk past that degree on the wall, I am proud of myself, because I know that right now it may not seem worth it, and to others it looks like another piece of paper on the wall, but to me it's a constant reminder of what hard work, dedication, and a lot of loooonnnngggg late night hours can do for you.
I am sure in the long run I will land the job I want (even though I really REALLY want this job!!), and if it's not this one then it just wasn't meant to be and I just have to trust there is something great coming my way - something that makes that little piece of framed paper all worth it.
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