With this ring

Four years ago today, I married the love of my life. Ten years this November, I started dating him. It only took him 3 attempts at marrying me before I decided to go for it. Needless to say he's a keeper.

The first time I met my husband I thought he was stuck up. He drove a sportscar, was known as a football star in highschool and word around campus was he was a "bad boy." Ironically, he thought I was stuck up and rude.

I'm not really sure at what point we actually fell for each other, but I do remember sitting in the library at MCC one day and him deciding to sit with me. At that point we began to talk to each other and on November 26 2002 we went out on our first offical date. The rest is history and we've never looked back.

The last 4 years have been filled with laughter, joy, tears, fear, sorrow, sadness, darkness and light. Johnny is truly my best friend, my biggest supporter and my cheerleader. He's given me 3 beautiful children, stood by my side through 2 cancer scares, a miscarriage, job loss and financial strain. Many hours he's spent laughing with me, sat by a fire four hours on end talking about nothing, held me close late into the night hours when my whole world was falling apart, pushed me to achieve the unimagineable, been the best father to our children and has always, always had my back no matter what the circumstance.

Last year, when he lost his job and we were strapped for money, I pawned my wedding rings to buy groceries and diapers to feed our kids. It killed me on the inside but I had no other choice. I've worn fake rings in it's place since.

Friday morning as I was finishing my weekly reports for my UM, Johnny called me and told me to come downstairs because he had an anniversary present for me. To my surprise, he had purchased a new diamond band for me.

I am so grateful for Johnny. He really is my best friend and I can't imagine my life without him. I am blessed beyond meausre to have made it through the last year and a half and thankful that I had him there with me every step of the way.

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

" I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made" -  Psalm 139:14

For those of you seriously close to me, you know that I have been dealing with ALOT of crazy things lately. I've been fighitng an emotional war that has left me exhausted and stressed and most of the time feeling confused, unappreciated and defeated.

Many times, I have wanted to throw my hands in the air and give up. However, my husband and a couple of other super supportive people have kept me on my feet - pushing me, encouraging me, loving me, holding me tight and not letting me loose hold of what little fight I have in me.

This morning, I attended church as usual. This morning, it came full circle from a powerful messsage that came from Psalms 139.

Before I ever took my first breath in this crazy mixed up world, God knew my life already. He knew day by day minute by minute the struggles I would potentially face. He knew my triumphs, my joys, my moments of darkness and loneliness. He knows the countless hours I've spent totally alone and the thoughts that were there with me and it made me realize... if God knows all of this, then he knows what lies ahead and he knows the peace that is coming so it's time I let it go and let God take care of it.

I don't know what the future holds or what the outcome will be. I feel certain my life is slowly changing for the better. I've been trememndously happy at times in the recent months. Happier than I've been in a really really long time. All I can do at this point is let go. Let go of the pain, let go of the hurt, the cold heartedness from others, the jealousy, the painful words, the tears that have been shed. It's time I let go and hand it to God. He's got my back in this and I know he will see me through to the other side.